'Grow Old With Me'

'Grow Old with Me'
by Mary Beth Galt, BVM

“To know how to grow old is the master-work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living.” Henri Amie

Many BVM sisters have taken on the special ministry of caring for an elderly parent, sibling or relative. These religious have become, in many instances, the full-time caretaker for an aging parent or an infirm relative.

Some sisters, however, remain in part-time or even full-time ministry while maintaining the care of those in need. This ministry brings with it unique joys as well personal challenges.

In the Chicago area, Elaine Wojcik, BVM (St. Lillian) is privileged to live and care for her “dear 97-year-old mother,” (above) to use Elaine's own words. “My mother makes no demands. She is always grateful for whatever I do.”

When Elaine describes her special moments alone with her mother, her voice betrays her deep emotions, “When I go in at night to say good-night and pray with my mother, I whisper, ‘I love you, Mom.' And she whispers back, ‘I love you.' These are times I cherish and make it all worthwhile.”

The joys of taking care of an elderly parent are often mixed with challenges. “When you are a care-giver there are so many responsibilities. I am accountable for maintaining the care of the house and yard, doing all the grocery shopping, paying all the bills and cooking the meals. Many days I am very tired as I am not getting any younger,” Elaine comments. “So it is important that I maintain my own equilibrium and keep myself peaceful and calm.”

Elaine realizes the importance of her own self-care. “I enjoy going out to lunch or dinner with my friends. I also love entertaining at home. Having time to visit with friends—this is important to me. Sometimes I just need to have space and time alone—time to read, watch some television and time for prayer. All these experiences renew my energy,” reflects Elaine.

“The joys of taking care of my dear mother are many. Number One is the tremendous support I receive from my BVM community. The sisters call on me and give my mother special time and attention. This is a precious gift. I am also fortunate to have wonderful neighbors. They are so supportive of me,” states Elaine. “I don't know what I would do without all the love that surrounds my mother and me.”

Joan Condon, BVM (Rosaria) is also privileged to take care of her 94-year-old mother (above). However, Barbara, Joan's mother, lives in a private home with six other elderly people in southern California . “I take my mother to all her appointments,” states Joan. “But I am very fortunate because my family helps in so many ways. We each take so many days a week to stay with mother. Mother is never alone. I spend three days a week with her.”

“My mother is somewhat forgetful, but not when it comes to the Dodgers. She loves the Dodgers. She listens to the games on the radio every night. When they are losing, she gets upset and turns off the radio. One night after she had turned off the radio in disgust, my brother called her with the news that the Dodgers had won. I think she had mixed feelings,” Joan muses.

“One of my joys,” reflects Joan “is to see my mother come alive when she hears about the family. She loves to see her children and grandchildren and so appreciates hearing stories about their lives. Her first great grandchild, Charlie, was born a year ago. She lights up when he comes to visit her.”

Like Elaine, Joan takes care of herself by spending time with her friends. Joan sees that she keeps in contact with “old friends” by talking on the phone, going out to lunch and dinner and celebrating their birthdays.

“I also teach little ones, preparing them for their First Holy Communion. This gives me special pleasure, and my mother enjoys hearing stories about the children in my class.”

Reflecting on her experience of taking care of her mother, Joan says with great simplicity, “I have grown up. I know what is really essential in my life; I think I understand illness now. I have learned to put things in perspective.

“I know I am a more prayerful person. When I get up in the morning, I do not know what the day will bring so prayer has become very important. I still have to learn when to worry and when not to worry. This remains a challenge for me.”

Elaine, Joan and many others of our BVM sisters who are taking care of aging parents or infirm relatives share these sentiments. This is truly a ministry of loving generosity.

About the author: Mary Beth Galt, BVM (Andrew) is chancellor of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles and a member of the Communications Advisory Committee.